Easy as One Two Three (A Flap Tucker Mystery) Read online

  Then, at the height of the din, just as Dally was forced to cover her ears with her hands, David snapped upright, slammed his eyes open, stabbed his arm in the direction of one of the windows, and shouted, “There!”

  Absolute silence. All heads, all bodies, all eyes spun in the direction he’d pointed. Out the window we could see a car passing the church on the dirt road. It was impossible to tell who was driving it, but it was almost certainly not Ginny McDonner.

  The spell was broken. The place was still. David was breathing hard, most of the rest were too. Dally relaxed a little. I swallowed.

  One time I sat in the center of a circle of chanting monks, some guys from Tibet. I was lifted out of my body and don’t try to tell me I wasn’t. But I was lifted on gentle wings, in a very spiritual way. David’s brief service had also given me something of the same feeling, only in a very American way: violent, drastic, and physical.

  Also unacknowledged. The whole congregation, if that’s what you’d call them, was moving back to sit down as if nothing whatsoever had happened.

  David, still a little short of breath, smiled on all and sundry. “Thank you, friends. Ginny is so much closer to being found. The Peace that passeth understanding.”

  Nearly every voice: “Amen.”

  And that was that. Like a cyclone. The place was a little the worse for wear, but as the group got up and drifted out, everything was set aright. Inside of five minutes the place was empty again, save for we original three.

  Dally let out a breath that I was pretty certain she’d been holding the whole time. “Wow.” She hadn’t noticed my momentary lapse into Zen Town.

  David nodded. “I feel that way every time we get together.”

  She shook her head. “Not the way I feel, you don’t. I got to admit I’m a little spooked.”

  He smiled. “That’s part of it.”

  She looked at him. “Really?”

  He turned and shoved the crates back under the table. “Flap? You okay?”

  I looked around. I was still a little out of it. “Well, I’ve been to one of these things before …”

  He turned back to us. “These things?”

  I shrugged. “Snake-handling service. It was pretty much the same as this, only this was more intense.”

  “Where was it?”

  “Rabun County.”

  He gave a vague gesture of dismissal. “Oh.”

  Yeah, that’s what everybody thinks: Our stuff is the real stuff, others are just imitations.

  Dally stood. “So, what was it you were pointing at? The passing car? I got news: Ginny wasn’t driving.”

  He smiled. “No, she wasn’t. Know who was?”

  She shook her head. “Couldn’t see.”

  He looked back down at the crates, making sure they were secure. “Those two men in Miss Nina’s.” He looked at me. “I heard you say that you saw them up here last night.”

  I cocked my head. “You heard that?”

  He smiled bigger. “Good ears. Good eyes. Everything is clear.”

  I looked out the window. “So you sure it was those guys?” Moose and Fedora.

  “Uh-huh.”

  I had a little prickly feeling. “And you think …” He stopped me.

  “Why don’t you tell me what you think.”

  My answer was that I took Dally’s arm. “Well, you're never going to guess what just happened — so I might as well tell you. I just had a little mini-experience here.”

  She didn’t understand. “What are you talking about?”

  I looked down. “My thing, the trick — it sort of happened, just now.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah. Not like usual. It was only a scene. No puzzle pieces, no missing link.”

  She looked at me good. “You do seem kind of … vague.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “So what was the scene?”

  I shook my head. “I got to think. I got to get a little air.” I looked at David. “This was pretty weird.”

  He actually laughed. “Welcome to my world.”

  Dally flipped him a look. “What do those two guys in the car that just drove by here, if it was them — what do they have to do with anything, David?”

  He shrugged. “Don’t know. But I believe Flap does, somehow.”

  She looked me up and down. “This never happened before, a big thing out in public?”

  I shook my head. “I told you, ordinarily I’ve got to be all by myself, surrounded by all kinds of peace and quiet.”

  We all started for the door.

  Dally still had ahold of my arm. “So what made this happen here?”

  I rubbed my eyes. “No idea.”

  David looked at his watch. “Want to head on back over to Miss Nina’s?”

  We both looked at him. Dally got to the punch line. “What for?”

  He looked at me. “Don’t you have a lunch date with Cedar?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, but I thought I’d do that at lunchtime.”

  He held out his watch. “Quarter to twelve. You’re late.”

  Dally and I looked at each other. My turn. “That can’t be. We’ve only been here, like, ten minutes.”

  He shook his head. “Nearly four hours.”

  Dally shook her head. “No.”

  He nodded lightly. “Time compression. Happens a lot in our services. We concentrate the Universe, and the whole time thing gets messy.” Held up his watch again for us to see. “Quarter to twelve.”

  We made it out the door, but we still didn’t believe what had happened. David was very casual.

  “I’m hungry.”

  I tried to keep up. “What’s good for lunch over there?”

  “I like the country-fried steak and gravy. Best gravy in the state.”

  I tried to concentrate on the food. “It’s that good?”

  He opened his truck door for me. “Miss Nina’s gravy? Smooth as silk — just the way you like it.”

  18. Stone

  The drive back to Miss Nina’s was an open-window affair. The air was cold, but it was just what I needed. The other two didn’t seem to mind.

  Dally waited until we were down the mountain to resume her interrogation. “So what was it? What’d you see?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing. It was a cartoon.”

  “A cartoon?”

  “Like I said. Except you and I were in it too.”

  “Really.”

  I nodded. “Swimming.”

  “Neat.”

  David was just as curious. “How often do you do this … thing?”

  I stared out the open window. “Whenever I need to.”

  He nodded. “And that’s how you always find what you’re looking for?”

  “Yeah.”

  He sighed. “So, the Lord is leading you.”

  I took in a deep breath. “Well … I guess you could say that, from your way of thinking.”

  He shook his head, very innocent. “I’m not thinking.”

  Okay by me. “I just have a little different perspective. But it’s all the same in the end, I guess.”

  With that he agreed. “Probably.”

  Dally wanted more of the dream. “What else. A cartoon of what else.”

  I twisted a little. “It’s embarrassing.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s stupid.”

  She gave me a look. “You losing confidence in the thing?”

  “I … no. It’s just that this is a little out of the ordinary, okay?”

  She didn’t buy. “There’s nothing about this that’s ordinary ever, bud.”

  Good point. “Okay. I just mean I feel funny.”

  She shoved me. “Well, you’re funny-looking anyway.”

  I nodded. “Thanks.”

  “So what.”

  “So what what?”

  “So what was in the dream thingy?”

  I slouched. “Okay, but you’ve got to not laugh.”

  No contract. “If it’s funny, I�
�ll laugh.”

  Heavy sighing on my part. “Fine. It was Rocky and Bullwinkle, okay? Happy?”

  She busted — laughter everywhere. “Rocky and Bullwinkle?”

  I thought about jumping out the window of the moving truck. “I used to love ’em when I was a kid, all right?”

  “Yeah, well — me too, but …”

  “There’s more.” Might as well tell the whole deal and get it over with. “They were walking with Carol Anne, the little girl from the Poltergeist movies.”

  More prolonged laughter. “I swear, Flap. I’m never leaving you at home for long stretches of time ever again. All you do is languish and watch too much television. Next time I start an out-of-town nightclub, you’re going with me.”

  “Love to.”

  “And you said we were in it?”

  I nodded.

  She pressed. “So?”

  “We were swimming in the stream, like you were reminding me of only last night.”

  And of all things, that shut her up. “Oh.” That’s all.

  I thought it best at that point to leave out the Boris and Natasha part, but the rest was revealed. “And there were ghosts from, like, some scene in A Christmas Carol, the lost souls. They were swooping down on us like blue jays on a cat.”

  She leaned back. “Well, that’s certainly the silliest thing I’ve heard in a good long while.” She shook her head and mumbled, almost to herself, “Bullwinkle the Moose.”

  Boing, if that’s the right word. Or does duh apply?

  I shot a look so quick I think she felt it on her face. “Moose!”

  She didn’t get it. Why should she? She was not privy to my little nicknames for the two hoodlums from the land-acquisition division of BarnDoor.

  I explained. “Moose is my little mental moniker for the big guy you saw eating in Miss Nina’s this morning, the two guys I met last night on the logging road.”

  David nodded serenely. “See — they were the ones in the car that just passed by our little service.” Smile. Peace that passeth understanding.

  We both looked at him. Then I concentrated. “And you know how Rocky always wore that aviation hat?”

  She squinted. “No, I don’t know.”

  I shrugged. “Trust me. So the point is, my little metonymy for the other guy is Fedora …”

  She was wise. “… on account of the chapeau he seems to be sporting.”

  “Bingo.”

  “Zowie. So they’ve got something to do with … hey, Carol Anne. The lost girl.”

  I had to agree. “Right. They’ve got something to do —” Stop the presses. If I’d been driving the truck, the brakes would have been slammed. “They took her.”

  “What?”

  David peered over too.

  I shook my head in what must have been disbelief at my own denseness. “They took Ginny. They snatched her.”

  “What for?” Dally frowned. “And what happened? They didn’t have her when they were out by the logging road with you last night.”

  She had me there. “Yeah.” I sat up. “But they took her … I think.”

  She shook her head. “Doesn’t make sense. And where is she now, if she got away? And what’s Wicher got to do with it? Anything?”

  “Oh, yeah! I forgot. Get this: the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz was flying after the little girl in the thing, the dream.”

  She broke out one more good-sized laugh. “You are just about as twisted as the law allows.”

  “Witch — Wicher.”

  She shoved me. “Yeah. I get it. But it’s stupid.”

  “I know that.” I appealed to David. “Isn’t that what I said?”

  He nodded at Dally. “I believe he did, only moments ago.”

  I wagged my head. “See.”

  She shot right back. “Don’t you see me, Buster. This is not right.”

  “Didn’t I mention something about that too, David?”

  He was on my side. “You did. Or she did. One of you did.”

  She fussed. “All right, shut up, the both of you.”

  Shutting up was okay by both of us. We were pulling into Miss Nina’s.

  But I couldn’t resist a little comment on the time-space continuum. “Man. Seems like we were just here, doesn’t it?”

  She scraped up a look once used to embalm dead pharaohs. “Didn’t I just say shut up?”

  Sure enough, once inside Miss Nina’s it was clear David’s watch was not the problem. The place was packed, and lunch was on.

  There was Cedar, already eating.

  I waved. He looked at his watch.

  I shrugged. “We were at a church service.” I shoved my head in the direction of David. “Plus, I got some ideas.”

  He wasn’t impressed. “Really.”

  I nodded. “You get a chance to talk to the two out-of-towners I met last night?”

  “We chatted.”

  “Anything?”

  He looked down. “Can’t tell. Didn’t much care for them.”

  I sat down. Dally and David went on into the kitchen for lunch.

  Cedar stared down at his plate. “Nothing.”

  “Nothing?”

  “There was nothing up there. It seemed obvious when I checked that Wicher hadn’t been at his little camping place for a good while.”

  I nodded. “Sorry.” Which I genuinely was. Would have been great if the little nipper were home by now. He started eating again. “So … what now?”

  I lowered my voice. “I think you were right about the kidnapping now. I just think you were wrong about the perpetrator population.”

  That stopped him. “Say what?”

  “I say that the two guys who were here earlier? They snatched Ginny — why I have no idea. I’d guess business.”

  He was not the least bit convinced. “What in this world makes you think that?”

  “Hunch.” I smiled. “But I’m always right.”

  “So.” He nodded. “I don’t believe a word of this, but if you had to say, would you say they still got her?”

  I shook my head. “Nope. She got away. Got to the tree hut. That’s why they were wandering around loose up there last night.”

  “Hmm.”

  “And Wicher does have something to do with it. I just don’t know what yet.”

  He shot a glance to the kitchen. “That must have been some church service.”

  I smiled. “It was.”

  David and Dally popped out of the kitchen and made it to our table. David had two plates, one in each hand. He set one down in front of me.

  “You need to eat, after your experience.” He smiled. It was a very fine smile indeed.

  Dally set me down a giant plastic tumbler of sweet tea. “Oughta drink somethin’ too.” Her smile beat everything.

  Cedar didn’t want to, but curiosity got the better of him. “What experience?”

  David hopped in. “Flap, here, hooked up with the divine. Had a vision of the spirit.”

  Cedar was more a man of the material world. “What?”

  Dally bit into her cornbread. “He had a little satori.” She swallowed and smiled at me again. “See, I’m learning the jargon.”

  I had to laugh. “Right.”

  Cedar wasn’t laughing. “Satori?”

  I turned to him. “I had a little … insight, a small revelation about Ginny.”

  “What was it?”

  “I just told you, Moose and Fedora took her.”

  “Who did?”

  See, that’s the problem with so much interior monologue. You forget that you’ve only been talking to yourself.

  I explained. “Moose and Fedora, my little nicknames for the two goons from out of town.”

  Cedar rolled his eyes.

  David was much more polite. “Easy to see which is which.” He looked at Cedar. “Only one of them wears a hat.”

  He wasn’t amused. “I know that.” He stared a hole into my head. “Only a few hours earlier you were regaling me with my lack of
evidence for my ideas. Now I’m supposed to go along with you based on an episode in David’s church service?”

  I looked at my food. “You said David had something for me, didn’t you?”

  “I did?”

  Dally nodded. “Last night. Those were your exact words.”

  He remembered. “Oh. But I meant something a little more ordinary, like a sense of decency.”

  I flashed him my best look of surprise. “I’m plenty decent.” I implored Dally. “When have I ever been indecent?”

  She continued working on her cornbread. “Once … twice tops.”

  I went back to Cedar. “There.”

  He shoved his plate away from him and stood up. “Until you have a little more for me than a hunch, I’ve got to continue investigating other avenues. Those two are a nuisance in town, hassling a lot of landowners hereabouts, but their main crime so far is their accent, far as I can tell.”

  I stuck out my neck. “Cedar! You kind of made a joke.”

  “So?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing. It’s just another unexpected side of you, that’s all.”

  David intervened. “Look, Cedar. I actually think Flap has ahold of something. Could you at least hear him out, maybe wait for him to finish his lunch?” Cedar hovered, then settled. “Since it’s you asking, David — I will.”

  I lit into my vegetable plate: cut-off pan-fried corn, fried okra, black-eyed peas, and boiled collard greens. In between bites I managed a few words.

  “I’d like to check up around the old Rayburn place again. I think there might be something that helps connect the two thugs with Ginny up there. Also, I’d like to look into the disappearance of Christy Rayburn. I have a strange feeling about it in light of that little altar we found up there last night.”

  David didn’t know about that. “What altar?”

  Dally wanted to tell him. “It’s, like, a pile of stones with — get this — a child’s skull on top.”

  He couldn’t believe it. “A human skull.”

  She nodded. “Yeah. How ’bout that?”

  “Where?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. Somewhere halfway in between the ruins of the house and the tree hut.”